Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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