He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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