she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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