M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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