He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
