her vagine was all disorganized.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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