He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
