In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
