I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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