I want to make a zoo with you.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
