You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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