Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
