My nipple is on Facebook.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
