we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
