She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
