It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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