she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
