so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
