her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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