im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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