i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Randomize
