I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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