Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
