we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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