Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
