Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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