I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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