It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
