My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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