They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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