Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
