Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
