just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
