my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?