Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros