Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
