It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....