you guys were way drunker than both of me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
