maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
