the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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