We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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