Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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