I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
