i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
