hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
