he shaved USA in his pubs
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just want nice things and good sex
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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