did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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