Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
