You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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