It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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