Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
not ubering you a puppy
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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