a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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