don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
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His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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