Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
