i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
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I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
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I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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