and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
no you cant smoke seaweed
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize