I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
