just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
