Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
