Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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