Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
BRING THE BAGELS
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
