in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
