I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I need water and some morals
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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