dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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