Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
