my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
