I am in a vortex of obligation.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
