Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
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The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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