just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
