I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
