I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
