So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
do herpes really smell.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
